I bought brow wax so that I could try out the soap brow trend, which is a technique used to make your brows as feathery as Big Bird’s anything. And so far, I’m not impressed. I see these beauty vloggers waxing the hell out of their brows and making them look super hairy and fuzzy, but it’s just not working for me. It’s not ~feathery~ enough.
Maybe the particular product I purchased has a formula that’s too dry. It’s not holding, and it feels like I’m just brushing my brow hairs with a naked spoolie. The only thing that has worked effectively for me has been regular eye mascara. That’ll give me the caterpillar aesthetic in an instant.
But I don’t want to be a pudgy pre-butterfly worm. I want to be a falcon with feathery, bushy brows that’ll lift me into the air and have me soaring at speeds of over 240 mph. You’ll hear my piercing cry as I float above you, skinny-browed buttholes.
I’ll master this look one day. Hopefully before the 90’s brow returns, which ... honestly may have already happened. Nooo, I plucked my eyebrows to death once in middle school, because all the cool girls were doing it. I looked twice my age. I refuse. I’m sticking with my pursuit of flight through feather-esque eyebrows.
Anything is possibleeeeee, she repeats to herself as she aggressively scrubs the mediocre brow wax with the ragged spoolie.