“Chloe looks like a dick right now.” "Aww, what a cute little dick.” "Hey, don’t call her a ‘dick.’” “You just called her a ‘dick!’” "No, I said she looks like a dick. Chloeeee, Momi called you a 'dick.'" Chloe lifts her head, slowly blinks her eyes, "Hey guys, I'm trying to sleep here. I was having a really good dream. Would you mind, like, keeping it down or is that too much to ask?" She shakes her head in exasperation and curls back up to return to her katsuobushi dream. -
I’m so emotional. Let me just cry my own feelings out, then take a nice, refreshing swim in the ocean of my sadness. Ahhhhhh, come on in, the water feels great. Wait, have you guys ever thought about how weird baptism is? I’ve been baptized twice! Jealous? _j
We have this running joke that I'm going to burn the house down one day. The number of times I've set off the smoke alarm is too many to count. The first time I set off the smoke alarm was in my husband's tiny studio apartment in Hollywood. I wanted to make some Pillsbury orange rolls in the oven. I preheated the oven, and I carefully put the tray of rolls inside. My husband was going downstairs to check the mail. Jokingly, he said, "Don't burn the place down while I'm gone."
The ‘10 year challenge’ has been making its rounds around the internet. Here’s mines. Still annoyed at everything, ughhhhhhhh, hate everything. Less tan, eye bags for DAYS, and precisely two white hairs in my mane at any given time. People say I look tired. Bish, I AM perpetually tired, and ain’t no amount of iced coffee gon’ enliven me. Can’t wait for my 50 year challenge, when I’m full blown Okinawan grandma, hair turned white so I dyed it lavender, and I got a pocket full
This ones for all you boba bae’s out there. Bobe me up, Scotty. Back in my day, boba was $2.95 a pop. Those were simple days. Now, you order boba, and it comes with a collectible glass, and they ask you what percentage of sugar, ice, organic-ness, hipster-ness, quality of life you want. Erm, can I just get one milk tea with bobes? Yea, do you want to add a unicorn taiyaki on top? No thanks. Do you want to adjust the boba size or quantity? Whut? We have small, medium, large, e
It's a hard knock life for Clo. It's a hard knock life for Clo. Instead of marshmallows, she gets "no's." Instead of donuts, she gets "nopes." It's A HARD KNOCK LIFE. Poor sweet tooth cat baby. Just like her momma. But sugar is bad for 'lil kitties. Sorry, girl. You can't always get what you want. -j