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Lower Your Expectations For 2021

So don’t get too excited, but I matched with a new year- 2021. Seems very promising, and I really want things to work out.

5 Unexpected Perks Of Having A Tooth Gap

Tooth gaps are cute as hell. Elijah Wood? Tooth gap. Lily Aldridge? Tooth gap. Spongebob Squarepants? Tooth gap. Case closed. They are cute.

The Real Hero Of Home Alone Was The Tarantula

Man, put some respect on that spider’s name! (Not sure what his name is.)

I Want To Shave My Head Like Halsey, But I'm Too Much Of A Little Bitch To Do It

I don't think I pass the preliminary vibe check to shave my head, because I'm riddled with self doubt. To be hot one must know thy hotness.

The Best Minimalist Nativity Set Ever

My minimalist nativity set is the most minimalist of all. In fact, you might argue that it’s barely even there.

The Time A Brown Tree Snake Snuggled Up To Me In Bed

I'm a thnake. In the early 2000's, Mariah Carey told the world that Guam is overrun with brown tree snakes. That they fall out of trees...