Mermaid Appropriation. I'm getting pretty freaking sick of it. Just because you "like" mermaids, doesn't mean you can disrespect their culture by casually borrowing it for yourself. Mermaids have a rich, dazzling history, deep as the ocean, a shimmering, multi-faceted culture, their own mystical lore, and they are a proud species. Waves upon waves of time have shaped who they are, and it is despicable to pretend to be one just for funsies.
I see mermaid appropriation everywhere. Girls with hair, bleached and dyed to replicate the hues of the sea. Makeup brands capitalizing on the mermaid aesthetic, with fishtail-shaped brushes, siren-themed glosses, seashell eye shadow palettes, and the likes. T-shirts that read, "Mermaid Off Duty," or some kind of pun like, "I need a mermosa." Gag.
Pop culture has exhausted the mermaid obsession. They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, so I must admit, I used to find it flattering. Used to.
If you're not a mermaid, don't act like one. Simple. Leave mermaiding to the real mermaids. Like me, for example.
You might find it shocking, but I am actually a mermaid. Now I know I don't have to prove it to you, but to ease your skepticism, let me list a few reasons why I know I'm *actually* a mermaid.
1. I'm good at swimming. This is a crucial requirement.
2. I am mermaid-shaped. I'm slender on top, my hips and thighs are wide, tapering toward the bottom of my legs, and my feet are very long (indicative of my probable fin length). Why are my feet so long? Probably because they are actually fins, enchanted to look like disproportionately large human feet.
3. The Little Mermaid is my all time favorite Disney movie. I mean, I think this says a lot.
4. I would literally become sea foam if it came down to me or my lover dying. Like no joke, if I had to make a choice between stabbing my husband as he slept and letting his blood drip on my feet OR letting him live and dooming myself to becoming bubbly ocean water, then fizzle fizzle, call me "Mrs. Sea Foam." You're welcome, babe.
5. I love seafood, especially sashimi. Even though I consider fish friends, I also consider them delicious and nutritious.
6. My hair is long and wavy, so if I didn't have a clamshell bra (which I don't), I could hide my nips under my flowing locks (I've tried it to be certain-- the coverage is there). Demure and oh-so-natural.
7. I can seduce a man without even singing. I once made a guy crash his bicycle, because he was entranced by me. Either that or I was just in his way, and he wasn't good at steering? This is the curse of a siren, people crash their bicycles into you. It's weird, but when you're on land, everything is awkward.
8. I'm just pretty sure I'm a mermaid, ok?!
And there you have it. I think this scientifically proves why I'm more mermaid than the next mermaid-obsessed girl and why it's not appropriation, because it's my ACTUAL culture. I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. BYE.
-j
