Water Closet Wisdom


I just learned how to use a toilet seat cover properly, and I'm 31 years old. Only now. In my whole life. I never knew that you're supposed to detach the perforated inner flap and let it drape over the BACKSIDE of the toilet seat instead of falling into the toilet bowl. What is life?

This WHOLE TIME, I thought, wow, how utterly useless these toilet seat covers are! I'd carefully place one on the toilet seat and watch it slowly slide into the water as I stand there with my jeans unbuttoned. Then I'd try to prepare another one, but this time I'd attempt to sit down as quickly as possible so that the weight of my butt would hold the paper in place. Who will win? 80% of the time, my butt would not be fast enough.

It's one of the most annoying sights to behold. A toilet seat cover slowly, slowly falling into the water. Like, wow, I just spent 5 seconds tearing off the seams on you, and you're gonna do me like that. Wow.

I had sworn off toilet seat covers ages ago. Useless, papery pieces of trash. Until now. My relationship with public restrooms has been renewed and restored. Knowledge is power, and I will proudly wield this power henceforth.

-j

thank you, love you, xoxo ✨

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