Magnetic Eyelashes


Magnetic eyelashes are total bullshit.

There, I said it.

I have sensitive eyes, and eyelash glue makes them water like the condensation on an iced coffee cup on a hot summer's day. To the point where the ugliness of my damp eyeballs far outweighs the cuteness of having long, lush eyelashes that flutter elegantly.

I thought I would try out magnetic eyelashes. It sounded like the perfect solution to my watery eye dilemma. So I bought a pair for $13, brought it home, and plopped myself down in front of the mirror. I tried earnestly for twenty minutes, growing increasingly exasperated after each failed attempt. How hard could this be?

Ummm, very hard, I tell you.

I was determined to get it right, but no-- fate would not have it. The upper lash would fall when I looked down to pick up the bottom lash. They would connect before I had them placed properly, and they'd be hovering halfway on my natural eyelashes. They'd connect on one side, but not on the outer corner. Impossible. My sighs became louder and longer, and my husband asked me, "Hey, are you ... okay?"

"NO, I'M NOT OKAY."

He said, "How about I hold the top lash for you?"

We tried it.

Alas, it was a bust.

He said, "How about you close your eyelid and then try to apply it?"

We tried it.

I couldn't see well enough with one eye.

He said, "Babe, just being honest, I think fake eyelashes always look a bit funny."

I pouted.

He said, "You don't need these. You look better without them. Even if they ARE on properly. They look so unnatural."

ButIjustwantlongeyelashesandihatewearingmascaraeverydayandeyelashgluemakesmeeyeswaterughhhhhh.

I gave up. In conclusion, if you want to feel a hot rage like that of a thousand burning suns, then I highly recommend trying magnetic eyelashes. If you don't want to feel this rage as described, then stay far away from these bullshit, stupidly impossible, anger-inducing, Ardell Double Wispies Magnetic Eyelashes. They're reusable, but like ... why reuse them when you can just throw them in the trash?

-j

thank you, love you, xoxo ✨

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