This ones for all you boba bae’s out there. Bobe me up, Scotty.
Back in my day, boba was $2.95 a pop. Those were simple days. Now, you order boba, and it comes with a collectible glass, and they ask you what percentage of sugar, ice, organic-ness, hipster-ness, quality of life you want.
Erm, can I just get one milk tea with bobes?
Yea, do you want to add a unicorn taiyaki on top?
No thanks.
Do you want to adjust the boba size or quantity?
Whut?
We have small, medium, large, extra large and also quantum mini boba. You can also specify the precise number of boba you get in your cup— one boba to 1,000 bobas.
Would a thousand bobas actually fit in a cup?
Yes, if you upgrade to the collectible boba goblet.
Oh, that sounds crazy. I’ll just have a regular milk tea, with regular ice, regular sweetness, regular boba, regular quantity in a regular-sized, regular cup.
Great. That’ll be $8.
Ok.
Would you like to start a boba lovers chewy, creamy premium loyalty rewards club membership with us?
Is it free?
It’s $8, but you get your first mini drink free.
Sweet boba Jesus, get me outta here.
-j
