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30-Something Year Old Has To Lie Down To Alleviate Pain From Sleeping Too Hard

Everything hurts.

Maybe it’s because her cat slept on her hip the entire night. Maybe it’s her thirty-something-ness. But she woke up with an ache in her lower back, upper back, left ankle, and middle neck.

The solution is to flop down onto the floor and make shapes with her own body. Like half boiled shrimp, half outstretched human. Or the relaxed starfish. Or the octopus in a glass jar who is learning how to unscrew a cap under the watch of eager marine biologists. Or melting sea slug.

Sure, these are all ocean-related. But that’s this particular thirty-something-year old’s theme of choice. YOU are welcome to make shapes in whatever theme floats your boat.

If you have a crick in your neck— well, get back down there and let gravity get to work. Surely, this isn’t the way our bodies will be from now on, is it?


Oh no. She rolled in a slightly weird way to check her phone, and now her whole body is done for. It’s shot to hell.

Note to self: just stop moving, basically. You’re thirty-something, for goodnesses’ sakes.

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