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Bullshit Black Friday Deals


Oh my goodness, golly, we sent you ten e-mails, but you still almost missed our Black Friday sale.

I wasn’t planning on spending any money this year. Times are tough.

Well, you need these earrings. You’ve been eyeing them for two months now. Look how shiny they are.

I don’t need them though. Got these cute ones from Target that were only like, 7 bucks.

But if you buy two pairs, you get twenty percent off.


And if you buy three pairs, you get thirty percent off.

*Calculating in my head*

Did we mention free shipping??!

Well, damn, count me in then.

One more tiny thing— since it’s the holidays and all, we busy, and you won’t get your order until February 2021. But don’t worry, it’s like, not a big deal. You’re saving so much in the long run.

Man. This some bullshit.

Happy Black Friday!

*emphatically closes browser*


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