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I Tried Overlining My Lips Once, And I’ve Decided I No Longer Need My Philtrum

Girlies, you need to try this.

The one lipliner in my makeup collection started whispering to me. It was like Parseltongue, and I was surprised that I understood. Line your lipsssss. Draw outsssssside the linessss. So I picked up my lipliner and held it like a wand. A puff of air blew into my face and ruffled my bangs to reveal my one Snape-shaped scar on my forehead.

I couldn’t find my pencil sharpener. Or rather, I didn’t attempt to find my pencil sharpener, because I knew it would take more than 15 seconds. So I lined my lips with my blunt lipliner, the edges of the wood casing scratched at my skin a little. Nevertheless, I persisted.

I tackled my cupid’s bow, connecting the two points with color. I glided the liner under my bottom lip. Then I began to draw further and further, larger and larger. I could not stop. But oh! How plump my lips looked. Like two Naginis after a hearty meal of raw muggle.

I studied my philtrum—that little indentation connecting my nose to my mouth. What a stupid, unnecessary thing to be on a face. I drew over my philtrum, extending my upper lip to the very bottom of my nose. The final step was a shimmery gloss to top everything off. Philtrumia shimerosa.

My mouth felt very dirty. Like I had just eaten a bowl of jellied bobbeljams and the sauce had smeared all over me. No matter, my lips were now the most powerful magic in the world. They could probably eat the entire planet if I tried really hard. I won’t do that, of course. No, what I will do is share this magic with you, ladies. Overline your lips and join me. I will lead you to a new world. A luscious world, bursting with possibilities.

You might be thinking to yourself, no thank you, none of this sounds appealing. Let me remind you, the CDC advises that you take off your mask and overline your lips. I think it’s pretty clear what the right thing is to do. And if that doesn’t convince you, please behold my convincing before and after photos.

Right. So whenever you touch your lipliner to your philtrum, I’ll magically whoosh in and welcome you into my loyal group of followers. We don’t do anything really, except compliment each others’ perfectly disguised natural liplines. As Dumbledore said, ”It matters not how lips are born, but what they grow to be.” Or at least, I think that’s what he said.


thank you, love you, xoxo ✨

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