top of page

I Want My Eyebrows To Be So Fluffy & Feathery That I Fly Far, Far Awayyyy

Dear brow wax, make me a bird, so I can fly. Fly far, far away.


I bought brow wax so that I could try out the soap brow trend, which is a technique used to make your brows as feathery as Big Bird’s anything. And so far, I’m not impressed. I see these beauty vloggers waxing the hell out of their brows and making them look super hairy and fuzzy, but it’s just not working for me. It’s not ~feathery~ enough.


Maybe the particular product I purchased has a formula that’s too dry. It’s not holding, and it feels like I’m just brushing my brow hairs with a naked spoolie. The only thing that has worked effectively for me has been regular eye mascara. That’ll give me the caterpillar aesthetic in an instant.


But I don’t want to be a pudgy pre-butterfly worm. I want to be a falcon with feathery, bushy brows that’ll lift me into the air and have me soaring at speeds of over 240 mph. You’ll hear my piercing cry as I float above you, skinny-browed buttholes.


I’ll master this look one day. Hopefully before the 90’s brow returns, which ... honestly may have already happened. Nooo, I plucked my eyebrows to death once in middle school, because all the cool girls were doing it. I looked twice my age. I refuse. I’m sticking with my pursuit of flight through feather-esque eyebrows.


Anything is possibleeeeee, she repeats to herself as she aggressively scrubs the mediocre brow wax with the ragged spoolie.

Comments


thank you, love you, xoxoʉϬ

Recent Posts

bottom of page