The youth won't know you're a geriatric millennial hehe.
So you're a mid-thirties-old millennial. Lord help you. I'm right there with you, bud. I'm practically a senior citizén. It can be really daunting living in a world full of bright and bushy-tailed Gen Zers, but I've come up with a beautiful solution to help all of us blend right in.
We're buying beaded necklaces, baby.
Yes, like the ones we asked our moms for in the '90s. Colorful daisies, smiley faces and pearls haphazardly strung together like a candy chain on your neck. They're back, and if we adorn our collars with these retro-inspired accessories, we might just take back our power. The youth might accept us as part of their tribe.
That's if you are diligent enough to not let anything cheugy slip from your tongue. What's cheugy? Hmm. It's anything that might age us, so basically, don't say a word.
Can't afford to purchase a home? Cheugy. Still informing people of your Hogwarts house? Cheugy. Drink your iced almond milk latte with a one-time use plastic straw? Jesu cristo, that's cheugy as all fuck.
If you can keep your withering old mouth shut and get on Etsy to buy a unique beaded necklace that speaks to your personality, you might stand a chance. Let's go, fellow adults! Let us flaunt our still-aliveness!
Disclaimer: Results not guaranteed.