LET’S GET LOUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDD~
Have you ever thought to yourself, Hey, we’re being too quiet right now? It happens to the best of us. Spice up these common life situations by spontaneously breaking into song—not just any song! J. Lo’s “Let’s Get Loud”! Guaranteed to make things louder and more interesting.
During your checkup at the gynecologist. Your feet are in stirrups, and your vageen is just out there. It’s awkward, and your gyno is a little soft-spoken. Break the ice by suddenly and loudly singing, “LET’S GET LOUUUUUUUDDD.” You, your vagina, your gyno, and the speculum will share a laugh, and the air in the room will become way more comfortable.
As you lay in bed listening to your upstairs neighbors get it on. It’s the middle of the night, and your upstairs neighbors are moaning. The problem is that it’s not quite quiet and not quite loud. It’s the in-between noise level that is unnerving. Take a broom stick, bang on the ceiling, and sing-shout, “LET’S GET LOUUUUDDDDDDDD.” They’ll either shhh themselves in embarrassment or, you know, get louder. Thump thump thump thump.
On your phone call with Xfinity as you inquire about increased charges. You’ve been on hold for an hour and 13 minutes, and you just want to know why your bill has doubled since last month. The customer service representative is telling you about a complicated upgrade that somehow sounds even more expensive than your current plan. Shock them into cutting the shit by putting the phone directly on your mouth and belting, “LET’S GET LOOO0000000UDDDD.” Maybe they’ll transfer you to a manager who can actually help you.
While reciting the rosary in Catholic memorial service. You’re trying to intercede on behalf of a soul that might not be in Heaven yet, and everyone is mumbling their way through the rosary. These half-assed prayers aren’t going to do shit. You need everyone to step it up. Stand up and lift up your voice—lift it up to the lord— and sing, “ LET’SSSSS GETTT LOUUUUDDDDDD.” These “Our Fathers” and “Hail Mary’s” aren’t going to pray themselves, people.
At your uncalled-for intervention put together by your loved ones on Zoom. Your friends and family have called this online meeting, because— they love you, but they believe your spontaneous and frequent singing of “LET’S GET LOUDDDDD” has gotten out of hand. What a somber group. They need to lighten up, dudes! Everyone loves being told to GET LOUD. Unmute your mic, take a deep breath, and unleash your best, most off-key “LET’S GET LOUDDDDDD” of all time. Then break out into the interpretive dance you’ve been working on. Look at that! They are getting loud, but they seem a little mad? Oh well, at least things are getting spicy!
Life’s a party. Make it hot. Dance, don’t ever stop, whatever rhythm. Every minute, every day, take them all the way. You gotta live ‘em. - J. Lo “Let’s Get Loud”
