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No thanks, I Do Not Want A Pair Of Mesh Crotchless Panties.

Or do I?

The fact that they’re 50 percent off does nothing for me. I’m not interested. Maybe I clicked on the ad one time out of sheer curiosity, but if I wanted a pair of mesh crotchless high leg bikini panties (in new colors!), I would have purchased them by now.

Yes, I did screenshot the ad, and I did send it to my husband. But not as a hint that I was jonesin’ for an airy underwear experience with him. More of a ”Please behold these, so that we may partake in amusement over them together.” And then we sent vague vagina-ish emojis back and forth to each other, which is when I discovered that the fortune cookie emoji is the most perfect visual simile to these particular panties.

I know these are not meant to be practical— they’re meant for sexy times, but I can’t get over the logistics of this design. The LIPS. HANGING OUT. OF THE CUTOUT. I cannot, and I will not.

Savage Fenty, please. If you keep showing me this ad, I’ll keep clicking on it to read the new comments. But I will not be adding to cart, because I don’t wear pants around the house. And I’m not about having my lady clam peeking through the window ever so casually while I sit cross-legged on the couch on a Sunday afternoon. I want to be safe and secure in my undergarments. You know, like in the olden times.

How do you take your panties, ma’am? Crotch or no crotch?


thank you, love you, xoxo ✨

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