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Skincare For Premature Wrinkling Due To White House Shenanigans

First they take away the Mexican Pizza. Then Trump gets COVID.

The departure of the Mexican Pizza. Fine, I can handle it. It’s not as though Taco Bell brings me joy, anyway. Trump getting COVID. I‘ll be perfectly honest. I can handle that too. I’m not saying that he deserves to be ill. Just that it was not surprising news. We can say that much. He downplayed the severity of the virus since its arrival in the U.S.. He huffs at the mere notion of science. Science? Man, get that shit outta here. He joked that Biden wears “the biggest mask he’s ever seen” when speaking to people at a 200 foot distance. Tell me, what is the “biggest mask he’s ever seen”? Face masks vary in size, but Biden’s mask has gotta be huuuuge, right? No, actually it’s a regular-sized mask. For regular-sized faces.

What I cannot handle is the shocking absence of candor coming from the White House.

“When was the president’s last negative test?”


”What day did he last test negative?”


”When did his test results come back negative?”


So watching the news throughout the year has been frustrating. Watching the news in the past week has been mind-numbingly crazy balls. I realized that my face has been locked into a tense, furrowed-browed, pursed-lipped expression for extended periods of time as I try to comprehend this contagion-spreading nonsense. I’m getting wrinkles between my eyebrows. I have to smooth them out with my finger and consciously relax my face muscles. That dude Jason Miller, senior adviser to the Trump campaign, may be singlehandedly responsible for giving me wrinkles.

There’s a lot at stake here. My wrinkles are the least of it, I know. We all should take some time each day to decompress from the going’s-on of the world. Perhaps some self care is in order. Go ahead and purchase some anti-aging skin cream with Okinawan algae and nautilus tusk.

If it comes down to it, a bottle of Ocean Spray, a longboard and the sweet sounds of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” may be the best way to achieve that instant mood boost. Or maybe just watch that guy’s TikTok a few times and take it easy. And vote, of course. Please vote.



thank you, love you, xoxo ✨

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