Things I Care About More Than Ben And Jen Getting Back Together

A non-exhaustive list of the many, many things that interest me more

1. Whether my third-grade teacher uses almond milk or dairy in her coffee

2. What Moana’s 3D cartoon character would look like if her face were run through the Voila app

3. What dog food Olivia Munn’s rescue Cavalier King Charles Spaniel prefers to eat on Tuesdays

4. How many toe hairs my first crush has on his middle toe on his left foot vs his right foot

5. What the thread count of Anya Taylor-Joy’s mother’s hair stylist’s bedsheets are

6. Whether the girl who stole the cheesecake display from The Cheesecake Factory during the riots in Seattle last year prefers to wear shorts or sundresses during the summer season

7. How many times specifically has Paul Rudd shown that clip from Mac and Me on Conan and what the decibel of laughter was in the studio when it was most well-received by the audience

8. What kind of grass grows in the lawn of Hailee Steinfeld’s fourth-over-from-the-right neighbor’s home and the brand of fertilizer they use

9. What Seth Rogen’s wife’s three least favorite strains of marijuana are

10. What the original voice actors of The Powerpuff Girls think about the new Gossip Girl reboot and if they’ve ever had breakfast on the steps of the Met

11. Literally anything else because I do not give two hoots about Bennifer