WELCOME TO MOONJELLY

I honked my horn at a car whose driver had been driving for almost a mile while on his phone. I could see directly into his car, I could see his phone held up to the steering wheel, and I could see the side profile of his face, looking at his phone and not at the road before him. So yea, I honked at him when he hovered at a green light, neither accelerating nor braking, because I'd had enough of his bull shite. And his mom or girlfriend or auntie or whatever leaned over from

I'm growing a massive pimple in the space between my nose and upper lip the day before a special wedding day. I've felt it swell in its power throughout the night. I started work with a hint of a blemish, and now, at the end of the day, it's a full-blown mini mountain of skin bacteria. It's its own entity. But is my pimple invited to the wedding? Wedding etiquette is so nuanced-- is it rude to bring an uninvited guest to the wedding? It is rude, isn't it? Plus one pimple. RSV

If a mermaid wants to lure a human to their death with a beautiful, enchanting song, THAT'S THEIR PREROGATIVE. Who are we to judge their hobbies? Some mermaids are content to float about collecting cute barnacles, and some have a blood lust that cannot be controlled. There's a spectrum, you see. But anyway, felt cute, might delete later, idk. -j

Chloe's too cool. She doesn't want me to hang around too close to her. She was on the pillow first, and there isn't enough room in this here town for the both of us. Yesterday, my husband was changing his guitar strings, and Chloe was like, "!!!!" going for the loose strings. She's crazy about them. But we didn't want her to get poked or hurt herself, so I brought her into the bedroom with me and closed the door. I sat on the bed, inviting Chloe to just come and chill with me

I spit out the gnarliest blood clot after my two hour nosebleed. I marveled at its glory. Then I sent him on its way. Like a majestic slug, he slowly floated down the drain toward his next adventure. I salute you, baby blood clot. Be free. -j

It's so crazy that woman birth children. Without them, we are nothing. Literally nothing. We wouldn't exist. I think about all of the mothers that I know. Damnnnn. They all had babies in them at one point. And those babies exited their bodies. Some of the babies came out of vaginal canals, and some of the babies were essentially cut out of bellies. Human anatomy is whack though. I'm taking a stand for equality. I'm demanding equality among the sexes. And by that I mean, men s