Okay, so one time at Nordstrom Rack, my husband gestured at me to get my attention. His eyes were wide.
"Babe, behind me. Look, look!"
I looked and guess what I saw. I saw a lady speaking loudly on her cell phone, holding her phone with one hand, holding a drink in her other hand, as she used HER TOES to browse the clothing selection before her. She pinched a blouse with her big toe and second toe, pulled it slightly toward her to examine it, then pushed it aside, and again used her toes to check out the next item behind it. And on and on it went. I watched her for a few minutes to really absorb the whole scene. I was like, wow. Efficient. Gross, but wow.
"That could be you. You have the monkey feet to pull it off," he said.
"Who says that's not me? In the future. That might be my time-travelling future self we just witnessed."
"Don't joke like that."
"You gotta do what you gotta do."
"No, you literally don't have to do that."
Some people have really dexterous toes, and that's cool. It's cool for picking up a pair of loose socks when you're at home and too lazy to bend down. It's cool for handing the remote to your partner when it's too far away to reach with your hands. It's not cool for touching clothes in public that you aren't committed to buying. As the late Uncle Spider has said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." So too with great monkey feet, comes great ... um, responsibility to be a decent human being. It doesn't quite ring as well as the original saying, but you guys know what I mean.
- j aka mfg