When Your Partner Hasn’t Once Sung Promises To You While Wearing A Brown Turtleneck In A Moss Forest

*NYSNC set the bar pretty high.

Gif via *NYSNC on Giphy (Fair Use)

I was 14 years old when “This I Promise You” debuted, and when I saw the world premiere of this music video masterpiece on TRL, my heart got a major boner. A group of five harmonizing angel men wearing brown and beige mélange turtleneck sweaters in a mossy Redwood forest with a bubble machine—I never stood a chance. They sung those promises to me, and only me, and I was like, this is what love is. One day, I thought to myself, a guy will do the same for me in real life to prove his affection.


It has yet to happen.


My husband still hasn’t taken me to a forest, hasn’t put on a nude-toned, chunky sweater, hasn’t turned on a bubble machine, hasn’t brought out four other dudes who were hiding behind a tree, and hasn’t sung a pop ballad promising that he will take me in his arms and hold me tight where I belong. What gives? *NSYNC did it. I was under the impression that my husband would too.


I mean, how am I supposed to know that my husband has loved me forever, in lifetimes before, and that he promises never will I hurt anymore, if he doesn’t perform this ritual for me? I even gifted him a gorgeous, chestnut cashmere turtleneck three years ago, hoping he’d get the hint. He hasn’t, and I’m still unsure if, when the visions around me bring tears to my eyes and all that surrounds me are secrets and lies, he’ll be strength—he’ll be my hope.


It’s true that in the past when the visions around me have brought tears to my eyes—and that when all that surrounded me were secrets and lies—he has been my strength and my hope, but the problem is that he hasn’t explicitly sung those lines to me. So really, how’s a girl to know?


Another thing I should mention is that when the song key changes, he’s supposed to magically transport me from the forest to a waterfront restaurant with ketchup and mustard bottles on the table. That’s crucial.


It seems like my husband loves me and that he’s given me his word and heart. We did make vows to each other, after all. But I guess, since he still hasn’t “This I Promise You”d me, I can’t be sure.


I’ll just be here waiting.




Upon a careful rewatching of the “This I Promise You” music video, I realize I was mistaken. Not all members of *NSYNC were wearing brown turtlenecks. The wardrobe was as follows:

Justin- brown mélange turtleneck sweater

JC- ribbed tan turtleneck sweater

Chris- maroon mélange turtleneck sweater

Lance- grey turtleneck sweater with tan leather jacket

Joey- beige crewneck sweater with red leather jacket

thank you, love you, xoxo ✨

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