Hot take alert.
The pet tarantula in Home Alone was the real hero of the story, and it’s time for everyone to admit it. Yes, Kevin was left home alone, because his family didn’t care about him enough. But the pet tarantula was left home alone also, and not because his family didn’t care about him enough— because it would have been stressful for him to travel on an airplane. And if the pet tarantula hadn’t been taking a casual stroll along the attic stairs at that precise moment, the wet bandits would have succeeded in capturing Kevin for sure. And then the movie probably would have taken a very dark turn.
Since Kevin held such little regard for the well-being of the pet tarantula, he sacrificed the innocent arachnid by placing him on a screaming, iron-burned Marv. The pet tarantula was then flung onto Harry’s midsection and was almost crowbarred to death. This spider escaped within a mere inch of his life, and we’re still out here praising Kevin for his booby traps. Child’s play, y’all. The spider saved Kevin’s gotdamn life. Man, put some respect on that spider’s name! (Not sure what his name is.)
The valor. The bravery. The tenacity. The pet tarantula was the real MVP, and he deserves the recognition. So when you watch Home Alone this Christmas, don’t forget to honor the pet tarantula by saying out loud, “Hey you know something, that spider was the real hero of this story, and I’m not ashamed to say so.”