Celebrating the birth of baby Jesus, but like, low key
I recently happened upon a viral tweet by twitter user Kirby Jones regarding her discovery of minimalist nativity sets. She wept. Whether in delight or disdain, who could really say? I looked at the included photos, which were exactly what you’d imagine— simple wooden, glass, and clay figures assembled to vaguely resemble the mythical birth story of the Messiah.
I, too, wept. It was the ball-themed set that did it. Different colored orbs arranged to look like Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the three men that were wise (Hello? Authors of this story? Could they not have been written as women? Or would women have been TOO wise to get involved?), and two stable animals. I’m talking about a sheep and a donkey. Or a lamb and a dog. Some kind of combination like that. Animals that you might find in a stable. Not animals that are stable. That’s totally different, and I’m not sure what the measures of stability would be for animals.
That’s the thing. Who could know for certain what animals were present that fateful night in that grimy manger? That night that most certainly fell on the 25th calendar day in December some time between King Herod’s reign and the census of Syrian governor Quirinius. Ahem, a nine year discrepancy. Anyone? Anyone? Matthew? Luke? Anyone?
Imagine being a newborn baby?? and three dudes show up?? and bring you stuff like frankincense?? and myrrh tf?
I’m an adult, and even now the purpose of frankincense and myrrh eludes me. Baby Jesus, though he was purportedly also a god, would not have been able to focus his eyes and comprehend the presentation of these gifts. But, oh, how I wish fresh-from-the-virgin-womb Jesus had used his godly powers to demonstrate a highly advanced level of speech and admonish these three men, saying, “I HAVE NO SUCH NEED FOR THESE AROMATIC RESINS. I’M A BABY. I MEAN, I’M ALSO A GOD, BUT MOSTLY I’M A BABY RIGHT NOW. PLEASE.”
Despite my skepticism, I recognize the demand for aesthetic, elegant nativity sets, which is why I’m opening up an Etsy store to get in on the action. Yes, you will have to place your order with $30 express shipping to receive before Christmas, but it’ll be worth it. My minimalist nativity set is the most minimalist of all. In fact, you might argue that it’s barely even there. Because, well, maybe the original nativity scene was a scene that never was. And in that way, my nativity set is super minimalist and ALSO SUPER REALISTIC.
So happy winter solstice shopping to all. Gift like you mean it, and give the gift of truthful, minimalist nativity realness.
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